Welcome to the website of stand-up comedian, John H. Kuperman.
His credits include nothing and unemployment.
John H. Kuperman has been rejected by some of your favorite shows including MadTV, Saturday Night Live, Late Show with David Letterman, and Maury, just to name a few. "There's something to be said about being turned down for work so many times," a Monster Job Board representative said about Kuperman. "In layman's terms, he's an idiot."
In addition to being a mediocre writer and stand-up performer, John H. Kuperman also has a gift for breathing. "It's vital for me to breathe and keep oxygen flowing to my brain for creativity. Without breathing, you'd probably have major problems identifying the simple things in life. Like how green means go, or Justin Bieber's suck value."
Some of John H. Kuperman's favorite foods include string cheese, swiss cheese, and canned Seventh-Day Adventist vegetarian goods. But don't be fooled. He's not a licensed vegetarian. "I think it's important for everybody to eat some kind of red meat. People think animals suffer when they are sacrificed for food. That's just a bunch of hogwash. Hogs should die too. Now if animals had to get married, that would be the cruelest punishment of all in my humble opinion. A cow would gladly walk the green mile to the slaughterhouse meat grinder than take a walk down the alter. A chicken would want his or her head cut off knowing there's a 1 in 5 chance they'd be consumed by Jessica Simpson. Then be grinded in her ginormous bowels only to be excreted, flushed and eaten by fish - rather than get hitched. You know what I'm sayin'? Why are you calling my parole officer?"
John H. Kuperman's comedy influences are David Letterman, Conan O'Brien, The Three Stooges, The Kids in the Hall, Amy Sedaris, Tyra Banks, and General Hospital (Luke & Laura years). "My sister made me watch crappy shows like Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place, 21 Jump Street, Joanie Loves Chachi, and Gilmore Girls. I'm sure this explains why I'm so effeminate. People today still have a hard time believing I like girls. I, on the other hand, am not that easy to convince."
This website is intended to keep you up to date on John H. Kuperman news and notes. Or to feel sorry for him. Take your pick and tell your friends and family! Specifically the ones you hate.